Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Sunday, September 30, 2007

getting it right

"notorious s.i.x." hatch plan to rule bathroom by next week.




Maryland

Friday, September 21, 2007

the day of your independence

this turtle was rescued from non-existence by la lilith on this day, september 22, 2007.




Columbia

Sunday, September 16, 2007

wax, polish, personalize

Free wax, polish and detailing if you sign up for any of our personalized shell mods or a complete makeover. Many examples of exciting artwork on display in our showroom. Spoilers give you the look of speed. Neon underlights available. Think it over, then call us.


Saturday, September 15, 2007

we are coming to your town

The finest whores in the land. At good prices. Let them say what they will, but we are here. At the motel by the big cliff. Come and find out what it’s all about. Don’t come if you are the police. Cash only. No receipts. Video recording negotiatable.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Saturday, September 08, 2007

a good day for crying

The below turtle was rescued on this day, September 8th, 2007. Send us your turtle rescue stories.



Raleigh

Friday, August 31, 2007

Craig senate seat to be filled by turtle

The turtle was well know around some ponds and tributaries in southern Missouri before being adopted by a family in Idaho where he now resides. He is best known for his numerous appearances on YouTube and occasionally Flickr. He is expected to bring a new level of calm and stability to the office.



weekly inspections to resume in Derbyshire.



Sunday, August 26, 2007

thousands flock to London’s Notting Hill Carnival



turbo the turtle

“I have a story about a lost turtle in my friend's apartment complex. It just turned up on his doorstep one day and he named it Turbo.” – VioletFullMoon





London

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Monday, August 20, 2007

turtle to take show on road

Some of the greatest contributions to modern music have come from this turtle.



Aug. 28th behind the fence
Aug. 16th under the bush
Sept. 12th next to the tree

explore australia and earn college credit

Several spots still open for next Fall semester at the University of Lower Great Barrier Reef. Courses available in speed rolling, advanced diving and defensive wiggle. Our instructors are WBTE certified. Fast, proven methods. We guarantee your degree within 15 years. Safe learning environment. Hatchling daycare available.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

STRONG SWIMMER NEEDED

Delivery man needed for thriving North Bay takeout. No references needed. Must be able to hold breath at least fourteen minutes. Benefits negotiable.

EARN EXTRA CASH

Must have experience in short haul package transport, preferably drugs. Must have working knowledge of Sonora Desert area. Cheerful attitude a plus.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

stop clowning around




Dear Stacey,

I need your help. The other day I was sitting at the base of a rock ledge totally minding my own business when this clown fish swam right in front of me and spun around a lot stirring up a big cloud of dirt in my area. And this isn’t the first time either. He’s done this several times already this summer. It’s really starting to bother me. Not only is it embarrassing but it makes it hard to see anything in front of me for a really long time. I don’t want to overreact or anything, but I really want him to stop doing this. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Round and Frustrated



Dear Round and Frustrated,

Ah yes, the pesky clown fish. We’ve all had to deal with this character at one time or another. And there are a number of ways to deal with the problem. A simple flip of the tail the next time he approaches should be sufficient to express your displeasure. If he doesn’t take the hint, you could even let out a few bubbles while shooting him a stern gaze. He’ll get the message. If not, you could consider taking the higher ground, literally. Move to a higher section of the rock formation further off the sea floor. He can spin all he wants, but it won’t bother you, or the sand. Finally, if none of these things work, you have to be forceful, and eat him. Whatever method you choose, things will work out and you’ll be rid of your flaky foe in good time. Now enjoy the rest of your summer and remember to keep those fins up.

Sincerely,
Stacey

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Steve Almond to make omelet

Almond enjoying the use of his new 10” fry-pan in his Somerville home along with Frisky and Mittens.





Photo courtesy of Jackie the Koala.

Monday, July 30, 2007

short, slow and sexy seeks mate with similar needs

Interested in fairly short term relationship, like a few minutes. Does not expect any gifts or other enticements. Will return to ocean immediately after date. No strings attached. Barnacles a plus.

escape!

We have just gotten word a turtle has rescued himself from a large box in an undisclosed location. We were able to obtain this sketch from a doodlebug who saw everything.





A gift from dustyartwork.com

Saturday, July 28, 2007

turtle stays put

This turtle was spotted on a small bench in a local gallery. He was unwilling to comment on the record, but it was fairly clear he had no interest in being rescued.





A gift from CSE

Friday, July 27, 2007

turtle rescued just in time

This turtle was rescued from a place often referred to as museum on this day July 27, 2007. Some people would be quick to label carefully planned and executed operation as heist but these people are what's known as sour grapes. I think our aboriginal friend will really like his new home.





A gift from CSE

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

turtle in the grass

This turtle has a date with another turtle. Let's hope he is not late, for his date.



Tuesday, July 24, 2007

turtle rescue mission

The below turtle was rescued on this day, July 24rd, 2007. Send us your turtle rescue stories.





London

Sunday, July 22, 2007

turtles absolutely rule

print and sign this pledge if you agree then mail it back to me.

www.coldbacon.com/misc/pledge.pdf

Cold Bacon
159 W. 4TH ST.
APT. 06
NEW YORK NY 10014

i am committed.