Friday, August 31, 2007

Craig senate seat to be filled by turtle

The turtle was well know around some ponds and tributaries in southern Missouri before being adopted by a family in Idaho where he now resides. He is best known for his numerous appearances on YouTube and occasionally Flickr. He is expected to bring a new level of calm and stability to the office.

weekly inspections to resume in Derbyshire.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

thousands flock to London’s Notting Hill Carnival

turbo the turtle

“I have a story about a lost turtle in my friend's apartment complex. It just turned up on his doorstep one day and he named it Turbo.” – VioletFullMoon


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Monday, August 20, 2007

turtle to take show on road

Some of the greatest contributions to modern music have come from this turtle.

Aug. 28th behind the fence
Aug. 16th under the bush
Sept. 12th next to the tree

explore australia and earn college credit

Several spots still open for next Fall semester at the University of Lower Great Barrier Reef. Courses available in speed rolling, advanced diving and defensive wiggle. Our instructors are WBTE certified. Fast, proven methods. We guarantee your degree within 15 years. Safe learning environment. Hatchling daycare available.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


Delivery man needed for thriving North Bay takeout. No references needed. Must be able to hold breath at least fourteen minutes. Benefits negotiable.


Must have experience in short haul package transport, preferably drugs. Must have working knowledge of Sonora Desert area. Cheerful attitude a plus.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

stop clowning around

Dear Stacey,

I need your help. The other day I was sitting at the base of a rock ledge totally minding my own business when this clown fish swam right in front of me and spun around a lot stirring up a big cloud of dirt in my area. And this isn’t the first time either. He’s done this several times already this summer. It’s really starting to bother me. Not only is it embarrassing but it makes it hard to see anything in front of me for a really long time. I don’t want to overreact or anything, but I really want him to stop doing this. What should I do?

Round and Frustrated

Dear Round and Frustrated,

Ah yes, the pesky clown fish. We’ve all had to deal with this character at one time or another. And there are a number of ways to deal with the problem. A simple flip of the tail the next time he approaches should be sufficient to express your displeasure. If he doesn’t take the hint, you could even let out a few bubbles while shooting him a stern gaze. He’ll get the message. If not, you could consider taking the higher ground, literally. Move to a higher section of the rock formation further off the sea floor. He can spin all he wants, but it won’t bother you, or the sand. Finally, if none of these things work, you have to be forceful, and eat him. Whatever method you choose, things will work out and you’ll be rid of your flaky foe in good time. Now enjoy the rest of your summer and remember to keep those fins up.